Being an ardent fan of cricket, and APSEB which managed to cut the power everytime exactly in the last over of a nail-biting match, I wanted to do something for cricket world. Seeing my abilities as a cricketer, people never really allowed me to touch anything related to cricket. Political games. C'mon Every body has a learning curve. And in my case, 17 years seems fairly reasonable. I was trying to understand two things in cricket all these years, how can someone swing his bat and hit a ball at the same time and how is it even possible to run, jump and throw the ball at the same time? Crazy! I am still amazed at people who can do that. Well except batting, bowling and ofcourse fielding which I dont like to do for obvious reasons, I was starting to gain expertise in every other field. But people really didn't give me a chance to prove my talents. Damn you gully cricketers.
After trying this and that, I finally decided to join the secret cult of cricket fans which is mainly a group of cricket retards, who thought they could do better than any cricketer! This group has a name, ************* **** ********** ****. Remember!!! this is a secret cult and I could get banned for revealing its identity. Anyways, there are some strict eligibility rules to become a member of international crap cricketers club(ICCC). Here are some:
1) Should have umpired atleast 2 matches in world cup for 2 year olds.
2) Should be better than sreeshant in appealing.
3) Should look better than Abhay Kuruvilla.
and the toughest one
4) Should be able to tell the difference between eesha deol and Micheal Jackson!
After 2 years of serious preparation, I was awarded the eligibility and membership to the club. I was in the top 5 eligible candidates for the yeat, satisfying 3 out of the 4 rules( I failed to answer the 4th one)! I was appointed as a secret agent for the group, whose job is to find out why India lost and why Tushar Kapoor acts as if he knows acting. My code name is Games Blond 006.5432134554.
So why india lost in the recent India vs australia(5th ODI) match!! A 66rs question. Well it was a 66 million dollar question for the first loss, but since India lost so many times, the value of the question has come down drastically to 66RS. i am just waiting for the day when there is no value to the question. When no one has to waste their time and money answering this question anymore, when there will be peace in Mayanmar again and when MJ stops surgeries to his face. Well, for now here is the reason.
As a secret agent, I need to work with my informers all the time. This time it was the floor cleaner Sakkubai, alias agent Detergent! She revealed some useful information which could lead us to the answer. Apparently there was some argument between Ganguly and Dravid about who invented "Shunya", which is also called Zero and where is he from. Both agreed that, Zero was invented by Aryabhatta. But then both of them were fighting on where he belonged to? Ganguly argued that Aryabhatta was from Bengal, and bhatta was one of the first person in the Ganguly family. He claimed that Zero was a private property of the Ganguly's for years and even now they keep the tradition of getting zero where ever they can. Thats the reason, Ganguly's report cards and score boards are filled with them!! Dravid was not agreeing to this, he claimed Aryabhatta was from Karnataka because his Mathematics teacher's name was R.Y.Bhatt and he always talked about how he would get zeros if he didn't study. Both of them were adament, and their desire to prove their points grew like fire. To prove their point, Ganguly decided to show his love towards zero and Dravid decided to copy whatever Ganguly does. So thats how both of them ended with 0's on score boards.
Coming to rest of the team, Tendulkar hated mathematics right from the childhood and he was sure that Aryabhatta was not from Mumbai, as he doesn't have a kar at the end. So he played cricket as usual, not knowing how much to make. Murli karthik always was an admirer of Ganguly. He sincerely followed Ganguly's score to show his fanaticism. Rest of the team were youngsters who decided to go to RGV ki AAG this friday. So they decided to pitch in money for that movie, but they had differences on how much. Then coach Venkatesh prasad solved this dispute by suggesting that who ever scores highest will pay for the movie. That explains why everyone was so competitive for not scoring runs. Dhoni and Zaheer were desperately trying to get out, but Aussies knew their plan and were trying to make them see that movie, so that they can win next 2 matches easily. Most of the bowlers in the team were graduates of my prestigious club ICCC. So they tried their best to keep the ball with in 1 km radius of the stumps. Poor aussies had no choice but to hit the ball.
So, thats the reason for the loss! Well, who cares for the loss anyways. We lifted the 20-20 cup and also Noida Gully cricket association cup(actually, a broom stick thrown by neighbouring aunty). Thats enough for the next 15 years. So my job is done here!!! Oh yea, the Tushar Kapoor thing, I heard from some one that he is natures secret weapon to fight evil!!! Over 1 Indian gets red-eye seeing his movies every year!!
Monday, November 8, 2010
Go ahead.. start blogging ..
Writing first blog is like proposing to someone for the first time(and someone doesn't include Jayalalitha, Esha Deol, Micheal jackson) . You are nervous, confused, scared, out-of-your-mind and all those funny feelings.But what next? I know people spend months and years together planning on how to propose and don't have a clue what to do after that. But everyone except him knows what happens next, the most scariest thing ever happened to a man - marriage!! So the point is I don't have any idea what to do after I finish this one!!
Well, in American terms I am a bit old for blogging. Usually people start blogging like at the age 5, when they have nothing much to do in life other than watching cartoons and helping their moms beat their dads. But hello! I come from the land where Chiranjeevi, Ravi teja and Rajni Kanth still go to college and girls fall like flies for them. Even in the political system of my country, this tradition of "start late" is strictly followed. If a party wins in elections, the oldest member of the party whose senses were drastically impaired and who is all set to kick the dirty plastic bucket in his backyard, would be made the Prime Minister for life. According to various stats, this would mean that a PM would enjoy a long term career of more than a week and less than two weeks. So by Indian standards I am way early.
I know all you readers, all two of you, have two questions in your mind - what the hell is this crap? and Why the hell am I reading this? I don't have any answer to the second one, and seriously no one other than your family doctor can answer that! But for the first one, I already told you, Blogs are all about writing, reading and sharing crap with all the well-wishers and wish they wont be well after reading that! And the best part is you cant stop me from writing, because of the mis-printed sentence on page 242 of the constitution about freedom of speech for nerds!
Wow, I cant believe I finished this one. I am as happy as a child who successfully burns his dads property documents thinking they are homework questions from his teacher!!
Well guys keep visiting & I promise I will try to write something which make sense in about 20 years !!
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